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In yet another plot twist fit for a Hollywood script, NFL owners have just approved Tom Brady—not as a player, but as a minority owner of the Las Vegas Raiders. Because why let a little thing like retirement get in the way of owning a fraction of a football team in Sin City?

Our seven-time Super Bowl champ has teamed up with his buddy, Tom Wagner, founder of Knighthead Capital, and together they’ve decided to buy about 10% of the Raiders for the princely sum of $220 million. That’s a staggering amount, but hey, it’s only a drop in the bucket for someone whose previous job involved hoarding Super Bowl trophies like they were Pokémon cards.

Oh, and brace yourself for the kicker—a lovely little 10% “flip tax” that’ll support the other 31 owners, who surely appreciate Tom’s generous contribution to their “help us not feel so bad about our own bank accounts” fund. It’s like a carpool for billionaires, but with less camaraderie and more backstabbing.

Meanwhile, former NFL player Richard Seymour strolled in and snagged a less than 1% stake in the Raiders. Because every team needs a former player with free time and an urge to invest in something that sounds cooler than a retirement home.

Now, let’s get to the juicy tidbits: Brady and Wagner’s investment comes at a whopping $3.5 billion valuation—yes, the same number you might see on a Monopoly board, only with more legal implications. The Raiders, once the sad sacks of Oakland, have transformed their fortunes faster than you can say “Las Vegas Strip.” They raked in $780 million last year! Not too shabby for a team whose previous home games resembled a mix of a flea market and a car crash.

Yet, Allegiant Stadium is the NFL’s smallest venue at only 65,000 seats. To compensate for this, they’ve nailed down the highest ticket prices in the league, which is a brilliant strategy if you want to encourage fans to take out a second mortgage just to watch people tackle each other on a field.

In 2023, the Raiders made a cool $50 million from non-NFL events—which, let’s face it, is just code for “we sell out to anyone with a microphone and a dream.” Who knew that hosting college football and concerts could be so lucrative?

Brady’s ownership bid, which began in May 2023, did encounter some resistance because apparently giving the G.O.A.T. a discount on a $3.5 billion investment wasn’t on the owners’ agenda. As if they were going to let him have an easy time diving into this whole “owning part of an NFL team” gig.

Now that he’s a minority owner, Brady might have some restrictions that’s shinier than his Super Bowl rings. He can broadcast games but won’t be allowed at team meetings. So basically, he gets to watch his investment flop on the field from a safe distance—talk about a win-win!

And in case you’re wondering, Brady’s also a minority owner of the WNBA’s Las Vegas Aces because spreading the wealth—literally and figuratively—is what the world champions do these days. Who knows? Maybe he’s just trying to corner the market on everything Las Vegas before heading into the Witness Protection Program.

So there you have it, folks: Brady in a suit, watching from afar while still being told not to be critical of the refs. Truly a beautiful day for capitalism and bizarre sports ownership decisions.

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