Tom Gores Drops $750 Million on LA Chargers Stake: Because Who Needs a Money Tree When You Can Buy a Piece of the Football Puzzle?

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Welcome to the Wild World of Business: Tom Gores Takes a Seat at the Chargers’ Table

In a move that could only be described as “what could possibly go wrong,” billionaire private equity mogul Tom Gores has agreed to drop a staggering $750 million to snag a 27% stake in the Los Angeles Chargers. That’s right, folks! While some people are still trying to figure out how to budget for avocado toast, Gores is making it rain in the NFL world, which sports its own unique brand of magical math. The team, valued at a whopping $5.83 billion (that’s billion with a ‘B,’ folks!), is being sold to Gores for a spicy discount of just 30% under market value. Apparently, having a spacious patio is not the only reason to pay less in sunny SoCal.

What does Gores get for his $750 million, you ask? Well, a slice of the pie—but not just any slice! This is 27% of the pie that’s 3% shy of the controlling stake! Just imagine trying to take control of a wild sports organization without any actual control. It’s like being the designated driver for a party you’re not actually invited to—fascinating yet somewhat tragic.

Upon the completion of this transaction, the Chargers will be viewed with equal parts affection and alarm by Gores, considering his role as not a controlling owner. Because who wouldn’t want to pay a large sum of money to sit on the sidelines?! In the meantime, Dean Spanos, the current King of Chargers Castle, will continue to hold the keys, while Gores and his wife, Holly, will be like that relative who shows up to Thanksgiving dinner but constantly reminds everyone they’re not in charge of the turkey.

Adding another layer of irony, Gores is also subject to a “flip tax” of 10% on the sale amount—because apparently, even in sports, taxes really know how to rain on your parade. The flip tax was notably well thought out, as it’s a nice little bonus to remind Gores that selling sports teams is hardly as glamorous as it sounds. But worry not, Gores; this tax will be equally divided among the other 31 teams. Who doesn’t love a good game of financial tag?

Speaking of family drama, let’s not forget the Spanos clan—because you know a multi-billion dollar deal wouldn’t be complete without some good old-fashioned sibling rivalry! This deal neatly ties up a knot of legal woes that date back to 2021 when Dea Spanos Berberian attempted to launch a legal offensive to force the sale of the franchise. Spoiler alert: little brother Dean has proven quite adept at dodging those sales pitches.

But we’re not done yet! Gores is also the proud owner of the Detroit Pistons, making him a double-agent in the illustrious world of tenants. The Pistons share their court with the Detroit Red Wings at Little Caesars Arena. You’d think with a name like that, Gores would be pizza-rich, but instead, he’s just playing house with the Ilitch family while they take home the loot from all non-NHL/NBA events. Meanwhile, the Chargers are busy renting space at SoFi Stadium, where Stan Kroenke books the events and gets to look at the Rams’ approximate $8 billion valuation with an enviable twinkle in his eye. After all, being a stadium owner means you can charge rent and still call it home!

It’s all a delightful mix of financial gymnastics, family drama, and sporting spectacle—all unfolding under the bright lights of the NFL. So, as Tom Gores dives into the deep end of the Chargers’ kiddie pool of riches and responsibilities, let’s just hope someone’s ready to hand him some floaties. Because, at the end of the day, welcome to the beautifully chaotic circus that is corporate America!