August Surge in Job Openings: Even the Economy’s Playing a Game of Musical Chairs, and Everyone’s Still Stuck on the Bench!

In a shocking twist that made absolutely no one spill their overpriced lattes, the number of available jobs in the US grew in August. Apparently, this development signals an undercurrent of strength in the labor market, right around the time when the Federal Reserve is keeping a close eye on the dysfunctional family dynamics of the economy—something like a sitcom where everyone forgets their lines.

There are now a whopping 8.04 million job openings, up from a previously revised total of 7.71 million in July. At this rate, it appears that if anyone is planning on throwing a “get a job” party, they’ll have to rent a stadium to fit all the available gigs—because who wouldn’t want to work in a construction site or a warehouse, right?

The divine BLS (Bureau of Labor Statistics) data informs us that there’s 1.1 jobs available for every person seeking employment. This gives new meaning to “finding a job is like dating,” since it’s now a numbers game where some poor souls are swiping left on offers faster than you can say “overqualified.”

Just when economists expected the available jobs to tiptoe in at about 7.682 million, reality asserted itself as always—deciding to one-up their guesses, much like the final seconds of a bad horror movie. The latest Job Openings and Labor Turnover Survey reveals that we are slowly building up a solid foundation, albeit one made out of cheap IKEA furniture that’s too assembled to be taken apart.

The hot ticket industries? Construction and transportation are booming like they’re the main characters in an action film, while diners and artsy types lament in coffee shops that “who even hires a poet anymore?”

“The increase in job openings is encouraging,” says Ryan Sweet, chief US economist at Oxford Economics, “but we’ve got to string together a few months of improving job openings.” Translation: We need stability in these tumultuous times; the Fed is trying to avoid flipping the economy’s table during Thanksgiving dinner.

Layoffs in August took a vacation, which means foreboding clouds of job-cutting don’t seem like they’ll make a hostile takeover anytime soon, but hiring activities are dragging like a sloth on a treadmill. Sounds fun, doesn’t it?

But fear not! The layoffs may be down, but the impending doom of hiring hasn’t completely left the chat. It’s still very much “so-so,” according to Sweet. Talk about an optimistic spin on “You’re doing fine, sweetie!” while carrying a heavy weight of unmet jobs and growing discontent.

Reasons for this sloth-like hiring include profits taking a nosedive, local and national elections looming like those relatives you know will come to your next party, and made-up holiday jobs sitting on the couch after a long binge of Netflix and takeout.

Tuesday’s JOLTS report suggests that workers are pulling a Hail Mary pass, choosing to stay put and ride the storm rather than jump ship in these turbulent times. With fewer workers voluntarily quitting their jobs, it’s a thrill-a-minute mouse trap race; only we forgot to tell the mice how to get out.

Outside of a global pandemic that seemingly upended everything, the commitment-shy 1.9% quits rate is reminiscent of the dating culture back in 2015—a simpler time when swiping right meant more than just avoiding commitment.

So, here we are, months away from a robust job market while everyone is slow dancing around the idea of quitting, humming a tune of uncertainty, and checking their resumes (or lack thereof) like it’s a Tinder profile. Truly, a modern-day comedic tale of survival in the job market.