With Only Three Scoreless Outs Left, Dodgers Almost Perfectly Executed Their Master Plan: A 0-0 Draw Against the Mets!

As the curtain was about to rise on Game 2 of the National League Championship Series, the Los Angeles Dodgers were three outs away from a new MLB record, one that would surely make their mothers proud and their enemies weep in envy.

But of course, Francisco Lindor, the New York Mets’ shortstop, clearly felt like breaking dreams this week, leading off with a home run that sent the Dodgers’ hopes of record-setting straight to the moon, where record-setting dreams go to die.

Prior to the blast from Lindor, the Dodgers had pieced together 33 consecutive scoreless innings—akin to the universe’s longest game of charades, except with more sweat and zero applause. They had tied the 1966 Baltimore Orioles for the MLB record and were one scoreless inning away from stealing that record and returning it in a sparkly box, complete with a bow. Alas, it was not to be.

“Certainly, the players involved in those scoreless innings have been *fantastic*, and I think defensively, we’ve been very good at converting outs when we need to—like a magician pulling rabbits out of a hat. But instead of rabbits, it’s just more outs,” Dodgers manager Dave Roberts said after the team’s 9-0 decimation of the Mets in Game 1. Clearly, Roberts has been taking notes from motivational speakers who specialize in how to *deflect your sadness* with upbeat language.

So, how did they pull off these miraculous feats against teams that had previously led the world in making pitchers cry? After allowing six runs in just two innings against the San Diego Padres in Game 3 of the NL Divisional Series—because what’s baseball without a dramatic plot twist?—the Dodgers’ collective pitching staff decided to turn on their no-run faucets, resulting in 33 straight innings of complete silence. It’s like the Dodger pitchers had decided they were on a mission to invent a new language: Runless.

And in case you think they were just showing off, they also managed to pitch a perfect game during the streak, retiring 28 batters in a row like they were politely asking them to leave a bar after last call. (Lindor finally broke the mood by walking in the top of the fourth. How rude!)

The streak had mutes the sounds of the Padres and Mets—two teams that usually resemble a karaoke night at a bar full of drunk fans, leading the league in sounds of “Hey, listen to me!” as they swung their bats like their lives depended on it. Who knew silence could be so deafening?

And just to sprinkle a little more chaos on top, all this success was happening amid a veritable M*A*S*H unit of pitching injuries. Tyler Glasnow has been out since August, and Gavin Stone needed shoulder surgery, presumably after throwing his arm out attempting to throw water balloons at the Padres. Longtime starter Clayton Kershaw is sporting an injured toe—because sometimes even toes need a break from the stress of being a part of such epic drama. Joe Kelly and Shohei Ohtani—who, bless his heart, is just a DH these days—are also playing the “where’s my injury?” game as well.