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In a plot twist that could rival a bad sitcom, the Biden administration has thrown a bone to Israel, saying that if things in Gaza don’t take a sudden turn for the better in the next month, the U.S. might just put the brakes on sending military goodies. It’s like a parent threatening to take away dessert if the kids don’t stop fighting—only this time, the dessert is a truckload of munitions.
On Sunday, Secretary of State Antony Blinken and Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin scribbled a sternly-worded letter to Israel’s Defense Minister Yoav Gallant, alongside his partner in strategic shenanigans, Ron Dermer. They assured him that the U.S. doesn’t just hand out taxpayer-funded toys without checking how the kids are playing with them. If Israel is found to be a particularly naughty child, it could face consequences, much to the dismay of Defense Minister Gallant, who probably thinks this is just another episode of “What’s That Ruckus in Gaza?”
Meanwhile, the humanitarian situation in Gaza is diving faster than a politician dodging a tough question. Reports show 55 more souls lost to the chaos in just one day, painting a grim picture that surely the U.S. can’t just ignore—unless of course, they can distract everyone with a shiny new missile defense system, which they’re dispatching to Israel like it’s the latest iPhone release.
State Department spokesperson Matt Miller confirmed the existence of the letter—no surprise there, as it’s the political equivalent of hitting “reply” to an ignored email. But don’t expect any real consequences for Israel’s military escapades, because the U.S. had previously determined that Israel’s efforts to improve the humanitarian scene were sufficient—as if putting up a “No Parking” sign makes a desert safe for picnics.
Oxfam, Medical Aid for Palestinians, and other pro-Palestinian organizations have stepped up like an irritated uncle at a family dinner, demanding global leaders finally get off their couches and do something about the escalating chaos—because after all, ignoring it is so last season.
And progressive Dems, bless their hopeful little hearts, are echoing calls for arms embargoes like they think it’ll magically turn the tide of war into a heartfelt musical number. Eva Borgwardt, spokesperson for IfNotNow, remarked, “The administration can act now,” as if the White House has a magic button to ceasefires hidden somewhere between the snack stash and the overdue bills.
So welcome to the soap opera that is Middle Eastern politics, where the stakes are high, the outcomes are tragic, and the humor is as dark as a coal mine at midnight.
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