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In a shocking twist of events that can only be described as “typical 2023,” the social media platform formerly known as Twitter has made a triumphant return to Brazil, right after a month-long tantrum with the country’s Supreme Court. Apparently, it turns out that even a billionaire can be put in time-out when his platform decides to play fast and loose with the boundaries of law and reason.
With the official resurrection of X (because “Twitter” was just too mainstream for an eccentric billionaire like Musk) confirmed by some random influencer, we’re left questioning — in a nation of 213 million people, where are the priorities? A vast majority were left twiddling their thumbs, while some influencer dubbed X’s resurrection a “significant victory” for Brazilian democracy. Just imagine the irony: democracy being upheld by a social media platform founded on the principle of letting everyone shout into the void. Bravo, Brazil!
Meanwhile, Lucas dos Santos Consoli, who boasts a staggering 7 million followers, announced, “TWITTER IS ALIVE!” Clearly, he must have missed the glaring fact that after living without X for a month, his existential crisis didn’t quite revolutionize the way social media works. But fear not, friends! Julia Bahri, an earnest 18-year-old law student, expressed that the Ban had left her feeling utterly disoriented — because, of course, life without being bombarded by hot takes, memes, and misinformation is just too bleak to bear.
And let’s not forget the illustrious agreement Elon Musk had with Brazil’s Justice Alexandre de Moraes to follow the national laws — a concept Musk openly mocked before realizing that the world’s revenues and user base often won’t pay your legal fees. It’s quite charming, really, how an American billionaire had to be reminded that not all countries exist solely for his personal playground. “Musk is not unbeatable!” said anthropologist David Nemer, as if the fate of the free world hinged upon whether a tech mogul could follow the rules for once.
The platform came back limping, stripped of many users who have flocked to other “hipper” sites like Bluesky — a name that sounds like it’s perpetually one sip of kombucha away from enlightenment. In their defense, Bluesky did helpfully remind everyone — “Never get back with your eX,” etc. So inspiring, it makes one wonder if all this hoopla was a ploy to sell more merchandise featuring varying degrees of irony.
Overall, the resurrection of X, now considerably less valuable than when Musk acquired the beloved dumpster fire of social media, feels about as reassuring as a badly made carnival ride. And so, Brazil — where the only constant seems to be the constant absurdity — re-welcomes a platform that thrives on chaos, misinformation, and, oddly enough, some semblance of democratic process, because nothing screams freedom quite like a legal battle between a billionaire and a justice who just wants to keep the digital space relatively sane.
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