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As Election Day looms like a bad hangover after an all-night bender, the powers that be are once again dusting off their pitchforks and torches to make a mad dash for the Black vote. You’d think they were collecting Pokémon cards instead of courting voters—”Gotta catch ’em all!” The official slogan must be, “Don’t worry, we donned our best virtue-signaling outfits, and we’re here to listen… for just 16 days!”
Watch as political candidates transform into chameleons, changing colors faster than you can say “gerrymandering.” They’ll be out there handing out promises faster than candy on Halloween, convinced that a brief flirtation with community issues will have everyone swooning. It’s like trying to fix a leaking roof with a band-aid—sure, it’s a creative approach, but good luck keeping the rain out.
“Is that a heartfelt speech about systemic racism?” you might wonder, as they recite lines crafted more carefully than a McDonald’s order. They promise change like it’s going out of style, but really, it’s like a magic trick: now you see it, now you don’t. As their support grows flimsier than a politician’s conscience, we can only hope that voters show up at the polls—or do they? Maybe they’re busy watching the latest episode of “Who Can Screw Over the Public Better?”
So, as the clock ticks down, let’s raise a glass (or a gavel, if you prefer) to the farcical theater of democracy in action. Here’s to balancing power—in the way that only a three-legged circus elephant could ever manage!
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