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In the latest episode of American Political Theatre, our former President Donald Trump donned an apron and traded in his tailored suits for a greasy getup at a McDonald’s in Pennsylvania. Who needs policy debates when you can fry up some nostalgia while mocking Kamala Harris‘ teenage fast-food saga? Nothing screams “presidential” like a man with a spatula trying to outdo a woman who was flipping burgers decades ago. Just imagine the campaign event sign: “Trump 2024: Making McFlurry Dreams Come True!”
Harris, meanwhile, was busy trying to rescue her party from the brink of electoral oblivion, singing hymns to traditional Democratic voters in Georgia. One can only assume she’s not just aiming for votes but also casting her spiritual net far and wide, whispering sweet nothings to the souls of the electorate. Is there a poll for that?
After a delightful serenade from Stevie Wonder – whose “Happy Birthday” probably felt like an echo of how old this political circus feels – Harris declared it a bucket-list moment. Because what better way to celebrate another year of political warfare than with a legend singing while the nation inches closer to election day chaos?
Back in Trump’s world, his vice-presidential sidekick, JD Vance, was firing up voters outside Lambeau Field, presumably sans french fries. The Trump campaign continues to challenge the notion that Harris is more unifying – because why unite when you can divide like a full pizza at a college party?
With a microphone in one grease-stained hand and a double negative regarding election integrity in the other, Trump literally served fries from a drive-thru window while questioning whether he would accept election results – just as long as the mood was “fair.” A true statesman, right?
In a questionable display of good manners, Trump even “wished” Harris a happy birthday mid-order – did he provide a side of passive-aggressiveness with that? Meanwhile, his advisors commented on his McDonald’s appearance, painting it as a sign of his desperation. Spoiler alert: when your opponent can claim having worked at a fast food joint, and you counter with the world’s saddest happy meal, you’re probably in the deep fryer yourself.
As the election nears, it seems the true cost of deep-fried politics is about to be paid in ballots, not bills. And as Trump berates the “enemy from within” while stating he wouldn’t retaliate against his critics, one can’t help but feel this circus is just getting started. The only question left is: will the drive-through be open on election night?
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