Van Hosts Earthquake Drill: Because Practicing for Disaster is All the Rage

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In a twisted tribute to the 13th anniversary of the catastrophic earthquake that rocked Van, Türkiye’s finest band of disaster enthusiasts gathered for a ceremonial mix of mourning and sheer irony. You see, on October 23, 2011, a delightful 7.2-magnitude shake-up left 604 souls claiming their new residences beneath the rubble. Naturally, nothing screams “never forget” quite like a memorial event coupled with an earthquake drill—a charmingly bleak reminder that while we commemorate the past, we prepare for the next dose of calamity.

As the locals donned their best somber faces, the event kicked off with a moment of silence, just before they recited the National Anthem and invoked some spiritual vibes through a Quran reading. Because nothing says “we care” like a dash of patriotism mixed with prayers, letting the universe know how much we cherish our annual doomsday rituals.

Speaking at this convocation of contrived concern, Van AFAD Director Mehmet Ulutaş hailed the surge in search and rescue personnel since the 1999 earthquake—from a quaint 93 to a whopping 45,000, spurred on by what they affectionately dub the “disaster of the century.” How deliciously ironic that in a country repeatedly ground into dust, the approval ratings of rescue teams are rising faster than the actual efficacy of their operations. After all, if you can ignore the debris for long enough, you might just convince yourself you’re making progress!

Ulutaş went on to enlighten the crowd that despite their substantial increase in numbers, Türkiye still lags behind the global standard for search and rescue, which averages around 600,000. But hey, who needs to be competitive in disaster response when you can just pump out more personnel as if they were popcorn? And while they’re at it, the team is preparing for seasonal training in avalanche and flood rescue, as if they’re trying to corner the market on every conceivable disaster. A smorgasbord of chaos, if you will.

The pièce de résistance of the event was, of course, the earthquake drill where teams sprang into action, pretending to rescue six lucky “victims” from a simulated 6.2-magnitude quake. Because who doesn’t want to experience being trapped under debris with a bunch of strangers playing pretend? A search dog, presumably more aware of the absurdity than the humans, helped to locate the “casualties” trapped in buildings that were, in this case, decidedly less likely to collapse than the actual structures in Van. Ah, the irony of conducting rescue operations under the watchful eye of live cameras while the stench of real disaster still lingers in the air.

As the injured were whisked away with due pomp and circumstance, one couldn’t help but marvel at the grand performance of bureaucratic absurdity—a farcical spectacle of organized chaos in a land where nature’s whims frequently remind them they’re perpetually one shake away from ground zero. Cheers to annual traditions that poignantly highlight the ridiculousness of preparation for disasters that are all but guaranteed to happen again. Welcome to Türkiye, where even the earthquakes come with a side of dark humor!