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In the latest episode of “Cleveland’s Got Talent,” the starring role has gone to none other than Deshaun Watson, who has officially wrapped up his season after performing an impressive disappearing act—his Achilles just couldn’t take the pressure anymore. The Cleveland Browns confirmed this Monday that Watson’s journey has taken a sharp and painful turn.
Watson, who really knows how to make a grand exit, was carted off the field midway through the second quarter against the Cincinnati Bengals. Imagine running a quarterback draw only to discover that your leg has decided to take a permanent sabbatical while your career flickers like a cheap neon sign in a ghost town.
In what became a dramatic street-to-cart transition, Watson took a brief moment to be a part of the field scene before Dorian Thompson-Robinson took over, marking a moment so spectacular it deserves a slow clap.
Watson’s season has been… well, let’s just say he’s put the “fun” in dysfunctional. With the kind of quarterback rating that could only be rivaled by seagulls trying to time themselves for a dive bomb, he is currently sitting pretty at the bottom of the league rankings. He’s the proud owner of the second-worst passer rating in the NFL, and let’s not forget, his throw-the-ball-and-hope-for-the-best approach saw him snag three interceptions faster than you can say “what happened to last year’s MVP chances?”
If there was an award for the least efficient passing offense, the Browns would be poised to take the gold medal, ranking dead last in both yards per game and yards per attempt. It’s almost an art form how they’ve become experts at being sacked more than a potato at a cooking contest.
Oh, but let’s not forget Watson’s tenure with Cleveland, which is starting to sound like an ironic twist on a classic horror movie. After a brief cameo in six games last season (thanks to a slightly inconvenient 11-week suspension related to some rather naughty allegations), it seems like football is the only thing he can’t avoid injury with.
To add insult to injury, or rather, injury to insult, Watson leaves the field on Sunday with a pristine completion record of 15 out of 17 for a whopping 128 yards—no touchdowns, no glory, just the sweet taste of “what could have been.”
Let’s not forget the financial cherry on top of this ridiculous sundae. The Browns handed Watson a five-year, $230 million contract packed with a no-trade clause, because why would they ever want out of this lovely arrangement? Even if they have a change of heart and decide to release him, they’d still owe him a cool $92 million. So, everyone, remember to tip your hat to the irony of football money management!
So here’s to the Browns, Watson, and the surreal world of sports injuries—where dreams get carted off and contracts come with a side of dread. Cheers!
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