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In a spectacular performance worthy of a political circus, former President Donald Trump decided to spice up his latest appearance in North Carolina with tales of FEMA spending all its disaster relief funds on illegal migrants instead of, you know, helping people affected by Hurricane Helene. Because who wouldn’t want to believe that the federal government is secretly handing out cash to undocumented folks in a bid to rig the election? It’s like a magic trick where the hat is made of smoke and mirrors, and the rabbit is just wishful thinking.

“Poof! All the money’s gone! Vanished!” Trump exclaimed, like a magician who just realized he left his props at the last gig. He may as well have pulled a disappearing dollar bill from his suit jacket, claiming that money was spent on migrants popping in for a casual vote – a stunning act of political alchemy that would make Houdini proud.

In a quaint little town near Asheville, as he clutched his microphone like it was the last lifeline for a sinking ship, Trump doubled down on his previous fabrications, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they had already been turned into an old wives’ tale last week. He rambled about the “huge sums” that FEMA just squandered, giving off vibes like an overcaffeinated conspiracy theorist at a family reunion.

And as always, Trump’s rhetoric was on par with a B-rated horror flick – “They’re spending money on illegal aliens, folks, not on you! Why, oh why?” It’s hard to decide if he was trying to rally the troops or just sending out a distress signal, lost somewhere between reality and a bad Twitter thread.

Now, let’s circle back to reality for a moment. Fact-checkers, those poor souls who try to keep the ship afloat amid the swells of misinformation, noted that Trump’s claims came with more holes than Swiss cheese. First, there’s no evidence of any grand scheme to get noncitizens voting, not unless you count wild guesses and unsubstantiated rumors as evidence. Voting by noncitizens in federal elections is a felony, folks – a fact that apparently escapes the grasp of our former leader.

Then let’s unpack a delightful little lie about FEMA’s disaster funds being “all gone.” Surprise! FEMA actually had around $8.5 billion left as of last Tuesday. It’s almost like money appears in the same way as a magician’s rabbit — poof! But this isn’t the act of a trickster; it’s just basic funding allocation, which seems to confuse some folks. That $650 million earmarked for housing migrants? It was funded separately — like saying your birthday cake is completely distinct from your mom’s famous meatloaf, no matter how much you want to hurl them together in a psychological food fight.

And oh, let’s not forget the cherry on top: Trump’s Republican buddy, Rep. Chuck Edwards, was standing right there while Trump pulled his disappearing money trick, and he released a fact sheet saying FEMA hadn’t touched disaster funds for the border. Talk about an awkward family reunion — “Hey, Dad, about that ‘illegal voting scheme’ you keep talking about…”

To wrap it all up in a pretty little bow: the Biden administration has showered North Carolina with money (more than $300 million!) after Hurricane Helene, as if it’s a game show where everyone’s a winner — except for Trump, who’s still scratching his head while trying to sell us all on his magician act. And thus, we’re left wondering: in this absurd theatre of politics, who’s really the one pulling the strings, and who’s just a bewildered spectator in a nonstop performance of political vaudeville?

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