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Boeing‘s Theatre of the Absurd: The Great Airline Drama
In the latest episode of Boeing: The Never-Ending Quest for Normalcy, the beleaguered aerospace giant braces itself for a quarterly earnings report that’s set to be more thrilling than a rollercoaster ride designed by someone who just finished binge-watching a disaster movie. New CEO Kelly Ortberg, who took up the mantle just weeks ago, is polishing his crystal ball to present a future filled with hope—provided by a labor agreement that’s sweeter than the most convincing piece of burnt toast you’ve ever eaten.
But wait! Just as Ortberg is set to take center stage for his first earnings call, the audience of over 32,000 striking machinists will be busy with their own voting show, deciding whether to accept a new contract proposal stuffed with a 35% wage increase (a far cry from their own initial lofty demands of a 40% raise) and a whopping signing bonus that could rival the odds of winning a small lottery. This theatrical performance comes after months of drama—five weeks of striking that has left Boeing’s financials looking like an episode of "Survivor: Cash Edition," with the company burning through about $8 billion in just half a year.
Jon Holden, the president of the Machinists union—who you can’t help but imagine as the director of this whole farce—predicts a nail-biting vote. Let’s just be thankful there’s no commercial break planned during all this excitement.
As Ortberg prepares his pitch, you can practically feel the sweat from struggling executives at key suppliers like GE Aerospace and RTX. Their forecasts are about as optimistic as a raincloud on a picnic day; flat commercial aircraft component sales for 2024 have everyone whispering sweet nothings about a need to restart shipments to Boeing. The keyword here is “restart” as if they expect a magic button will fix everything after a month-long corporate nap.
So, what will the New Boeing look like? Think of it as your favorite funky cafe where they decided to chop their menu down to just a few “core” items. Ortberg’s grand vision includes “slimming down”—which is corporate-speak for cutting out half their workforce. Surprise! Boeing plans to part ways with about 170,000 employees while trying to look focused and high-performing…again. What kind of meeting ends with someone saying “Let’s fire half our family?”
To keep the fun going, the company’s third-quarter loss estimate is a nearly $10-per-share drop—like watching a car slowly roll down a hill only to find out it wasn’t actually parked at all. With production defects and a long list of disappointments, it seems their butterfly-inflected dreams of a strong recovery are still fluttering somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, confused and possibly lost.
Then there’s the union fight! It’s reminiscent of a tense hostage negotiation, but much less glamorous. The new proposal hopes to tackle the skyrocketing cost of living—where million-dollar studio apartments in Seattle become viable options if you’ve got cash hidden in your mattress. The spike in tech industry jobs has padded wallets while leaving the aviation folks scrambling to keep up.
Acting Labor Secretary Julie Su has reportedly swooped in, probably wearing a superhero cape, trying to mediate between the two sides. And thank goodness for Boeing’s ongoing commitment to making jets in their current location—because it really wouldn’t be a good look to move everything south and slap a Union label on it.
As all eyes (and ears) turn on Ortberg this coming Wednesday, just remember: the fate of an aviation empire hangs in the balance, and who knows? Perhaps the real surprise waiting in the wings is the realization that this whole economic circus might just be the absurde riddle of our times. After all, it’s only business—when in doubt, just blame the last guy in office!
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