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In a twist that even Mother Nature might find amusing, Bitlis Eren University (BEU) is turning Lake Van—home to more mythical creatures than actual fish—into a glorious soap factory. Yes, folks, while the rest of the world is harvesting renewable energy or planting trees, BEU has decided that liquid soap is the next best thing to a miracle. It’s a noble pursuit indeed—who needs clean water when you can have sparkling suds instead?

In just 1.5 years, these academic alchemists have cooked up a brand new soap line, “Beren,” so mind-bogglingly revolutionary that it’s snagged a patent. Forget preserving local ecosystems; the real goal here is to pat ourselves on the back while riding the slippery wave of innovation that is washing our hands of basic hygiene. The bright idea is to tap into Lake Van’s alkaline water, because why purify when you can go straight for the lake? After all, if it’s good enough for the fish, it’s good enough for your skin.

Rector Necmettin Elmastaş celebrated this groundbreaking achievement with the enthusiasm of a child at a candy store, proclaiming that they’re doing the region a favor by selling liquid soap that might be just a bit different from the stuff you can buy at the corner store—mostly because it’s laced with the unique essence of Lake Van. Who could resist that? It’s like marketing artisanal bread made from the dust of ancient ruins, but with fewer crumbs.

Let’s not forget the perfectly logical R&D process: haul water, let it sit for a day (team building?), filter it, and voilà! You’ve got soap with over 80% Lake Van spirit—actually, make that water. Need skin and hair benefits? They’ve got that covered! But side effects? Nah, those are for products that weren’t birthed from a magical lake.

The university is eagerly seeking manufacturers to spread the wealth of their bubbly fortune across Türkiye and beyond. Because why not; a little “naturally sourced” soap from a lake can surely boost local economies more than, say, education incentives or job creation. Plus, who said investment didn’t come with an ironic twist?

So here we are, cheering for the triumph of liquid soap as a beacon of progress, while world issues float by like boats on Lake Van. Who knew that all it took to solve societal dilemmas was some high-quality suds? As we carefully scrub our existential crises away, let’s hope that this alkaline revolution doesn’t leave us slippery in the soap of irony!

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