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Ah, the NFL: where leading your division at the halfway point feels more like a glass half-empty of chaos than a refreshing cup of victory. Week 7 decided to flip the script on four of the eight first-place teams, like some kind of twisted game of musical chairs where no one wants to sit.
Starting with the Atlanta Falcons, who graciously opened their home to the Seattle Seahawks, only to hand them a delightful 34-14 defeat—because nothing says “I’m a contender” like losing to a team that had just three straight losses like it was a hot potato. Seattle must have had some voodoo magic going on, as they not only intercepted poor Kirk Cousins twice but also helped him shed the weight of his dignity with four sacks. The cherry on top? A recovery from a Cousins fumble that turned into a 64-yard touchdown run, because why not? The Falcons’ home games are starting to feel like the DMV; IT’S never where you want to be.
Across the league, Houston (that hotbed of football genius) and Minnesota were also tripped up by last-second field goals that seemed to be sponsored by cosmic irony. The Texans, still clinging to just enough air to breathe above the AFC South waters, faced the Packers and their freshly minted kicker, Brandon McManus, who could nail a 45-yard field goal childishly right after the NFL finished checking under his bed for monsters. Poor C.J. Stroud threw for a career-low 86 yards, sacked more times than a turkey on Thanksgiving—yet somehow, the Texans still managed to be a game ahead of Indianapolis. Sounds about right!
Now, let’s turn our attention to the Vikings, who found themselves in a showdown that was hotter than a summer sidewalk, with Sam Darnold pulling all the right strings to secure the lead with the dexterity of a toddler handling a balloon at a birthday party. Despite rallying from an 11-point deficit, they watched as Jake Bates kicked the 44-yard field goal of doom, leaving Minnesota yearning for a final Hail Mary that never even left the quarterback’s hand. Turns out, when your defense is allowing more yards than a construction crew on a budget, things get… complicated.
And just like that, Seattle seized their rightful throne in the NFC West, bending the fabric of reality a little more.
Meanwhile, the eternal champions of chaos, the San Francisco 49ers, decided they wanted in on the fun too. In a luscious buffet of folly, they lost 28-18 to the Kansas City Chiefs, the NFL’s last undefeated team. Meanwhile, poor Brock Purdy had more turnovers than a bakery; three interceptions and a dismissal of his star offensive lineman Trent Williams for, I kid you not, throwing a punt. If you’re wondering if the Niners are in a downward spiral, the answer is yes—and it has a flair for the dramatic!
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