Disney’s Boardroom: Where the Chairs Change Faster Than You Can Say “Mickey Mouse”

Disney, the beloved house of mouse who’s been spinning its wheels faster than a hamster in a wheel, is set to play a game of musical chairs with its board chair—for the fourth time in a little over three years. Yes, you heard it right, folks! Just when you thought the pixie dust was settling, here we go again!

Out goes Chairman Mark Parker at year’s end, making a hasty exit, and in jumps Morgan Stanley’s CEO James Gorman, who apparently got the memo that managing a media empire is more fun than managing stocks. Gorman will take his throne in 2025—hopefully, he comes equipped with a magic wand.

Gorman, ever the optimist, stated, “I am honored and humbled to have the opportunity to serve as Disney’s chairman at this important moment in the company’s history.” Ah yes, nothing like stepping into a chaotic circus of declining viewership and cardboard cutouts of beloved characters to make a person feel honored!

Parker may have held the position for a hot minute—just a year—but he wasn’t even the longest-serving in this recent lineup! Susan Arnold shattered records by occupying the chair for an entire year and a half, leading us to wonder: is a year the new decade in Disney years?

Gorman’s first task? Replacing the undying Bob Iger, whose habit of dodging retirement puts rogue double-dutch jumpers to shame. Iger’s contract was swiftly extended, much to the delight of nobody who’s been watching the chaos unfold. While Gorman insists that finding a new CEO is “critical,” the timing of that announcement gives the impression that they’re taking their sweet time—classic corporate maneuvering.

Meanwhile, the exciting world of succession planning has fallen into what we like to call: “The Never-Ending Job Hunt.” A selection of well-respected individuals is apparently in the running, including Dana Walden and Josh D’Amaro. It’s a game of “Who Wants to be the CEO?” and everyone’s too scared to apply because, let’s face it, who doesn’t want a front-row seat to Disney’s version of a ‘survivor’ show?

In the meantime, visitors to the famed Disney parks seem to be a bit grim, with spending reports resembling that of a kid who’s just been told they can’t have a second churro. The company points to economic jitters as the culprit. Perhaps the visitors are finally realizing that the price of admission is greater than the cost of streaming a Marvel movie from the comfort of their couch?

But don’t worry, Gorman will be an “invaluable” leader… the same way a leaky umbrella is invaluable in a torrential downpour. Parker praised Gorman’s contributions to the board, noting that he’ll expertly guide the extensive search process for a new CEO. Pretty significant pressure for someone whose resume likely says “Can write a mean PowerPoint while in a board meeting”!

And as for Iger? He’s become the “CEO who cried wolf”—an ambiguous antagonist in Disney‘s play, promising exits that never quite materialize. Can someone get this guy a boat? Because he’s been rowing in and out of office more often than we check our social media accounts!

His tenure has been marked by epic bargain-bin mistakes and a series of corporate fiascos that have everyone from investors to Disney’s animated characters raising their cartoon eyebrows. Iger’s magic wand seems to have misplaced a few spells along the way, with stock shocks following every tidbit of hesitant good news.

In short, Disney is a delightful mess of plotting and scheming, where the stakes are as high as Cinderella’s castle and the likelihood of everyone staying employed through the next fiscal quarter is about as likely as a prince finding his princess in a shoe store. But hey, it’s still Disney! What’s life without a little magic and mayhem?